It doesnt take a rocket scientist to know that i've been feeling @%&#! these days.
it's not that i want to ( no body wants to) nor is it that i've gotten into any unwanted trouble.
Maybe it's cause it's the time of the month again, maybe cause i've been such an airhead these days with nothing to do , maybe i've been over-relient on my own efforts thus causing me to dry up spiritually ( it sucks even more than anything else cause God is so good! yet i cant bring myself to believe enough to trust enough or to commit enough. it's me not God. he's perfect.He's GOD. ), maybe it's you and how much i've heard about you ( it's not as if i still feel the same way like before, it's just that even as a friend i feel disappointed and shocked. you were darn late for class today so much more getting sent out. what a suprise, an unwanted suprise. )
and well maybe it's cause my heartaches to see my parents working so hard to bring in bread for the family ( them saving up so much money for the three of us yet us or should i say myself take things forgranted and all those things that they've provided for me . My cambodia trip and church camp both overseas , they entrusting me with loadsa pocket money of which i spent relentlessly on cab fare. yes i do hear those " how can joan do that" and those " what a waste of money" . NOT forgetting my horrrid results. you'd never imagine how disappointed mummy looked and how daddy tried to pretend not to mind , what was my response then you ask? Short reticent replies thank you.So now you know im not that all nice-sweet and super-puffed joannie aye? haha i've even complaint bout my parents.Really for this i could die for but no, because of this i must live on cause i've got a long way to go to prove to my parents that i love and truly cherish them .)

That i learnt from daddy is True courage. By facing your probs Bravely and not slitting your risks when your so called " forebber boiifriiend" breaks up with you so what if i've gotten bad results now , i've got a whole lifetime to prove myself that i can do better. So what if your parents dont love you, there's a God who loves you ( one whom you refuse to acknowledge or refuse to get help from ) and there's people out there who do. Slitting your wrist and attempting suicide wont solve your problems. Get the point? Get help , he's always around/ it's always around. (:

Well i guess i'm finally out of that trance . Oh that's a great thing. Lord, i dont wanna go back yeah. haha i've shared much today , the post dint go like i planned but well it's still cool.

P.S. Mummy daddy , i love you.

if you've got the time ,Hillsong United -youth alive- deeply in love.
greeat song.

sometimes it's smart to be stupid,in that way you'll not be too smart to miss the GOOD that is right in front of you. (: